your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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