hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
