mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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