I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
