Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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