I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
