I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
