I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
