So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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