then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
