I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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