THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
