It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
