It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
