i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she told me i tasted like america
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
