he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize