my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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