wakey wakey hands off snakey
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
