I think I won the penis lottery.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize