my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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