Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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