two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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