why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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