You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
