I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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