I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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