Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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