just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
