didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
