well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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