Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
