How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
