Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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