I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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