nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
