Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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