My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We are all done wearing pants today
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