I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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