Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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