My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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