He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
