Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
