My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
