The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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