So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
