that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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