dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
