I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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