My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
