People with herpes should wear stickers.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
