She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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