my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
