The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
