If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
