her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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