Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
