i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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