hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
