Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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