He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
