I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
