My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
